damn i should be going to see kanye west in two days

let me just go kill myself now

those girls that say you’re really hot but deep down they know that they’re hotter than you and they’re just trying to make you feel better about yourself

why bitch why

I remember back when I had a lot of followers the type of anonymous messages I would get from people. Yes, I was a bitch most of the time in my ‘old-Tumblr’ days, but trust me it was like that for a reason and you’d understand once you have anonymous people constantly being smart-asses to you and just plain rude.

The reason why I did have the anonymous function open though was because some people did have some really nice things to say to me but were too shy to to reveal themselves and most rude anonymous or ‘hate’ messages really didn’t affect me. Some of them did rarely affect me though and that was one of the things that led me to deleting my old Tumblr.

What I’m saying is that the people who send people cruel anonymous messages truly don’t understand the consequences they could be making. I used to get people saying that “I should kill myself” (etc) and what if I actually did? What then? They honestly didn’t phase me much, but so many people do actually commit suicide because of such things and what if it was you who caused it? 

I finally understand why I’ve never actually gotten anywhere with a guy before. It’s because I always give off the impression that I’m a bitch when we first meet and pretty much act like I don’t care about them. 

For some reason, I always get nervous around certain guys and unintentionally become  very mean towards them. I don’t know why. With girls I would like to believe that I’m nice, but with some guys it’s a different story.

I guess it depends on who it is though. If it’s a cute or nice guy or someone who shows interest in me, I’m an automatic bitch to them and if it’s just someone who I really do not care about then I guess I’m just myself. As horrible as that sounds, I think it’s the truth. I don’t think either it’s because I’m trying to make them like me…it’s not like that at all. Maybe it’s because I’ve never experienced any real ‘intimacy’ with a guy and therefore I just have no idea how to approach that kind of situation. I get scared and nervous.

I also tend to think that a cute guy wouldn’t approach a girl like me. Maybe I’m just a little bit insecure. 

I absolutely hate this about myself. 

I was walking through Melbourne Central the other day and this black kid wearing a snapback who was probably about 13 walks past me and says “hey baby”.

YOU’RE 13.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME.

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME.

WHY ARE YOU WEARING A SNAPBACK.

The idea of death truthfully scares me a lot. The thought that we really only do live once and soon enough we’re never going to exist ever again really does scare me a lot.

I am religious to a certain extent meaning that I do not think that everybody goes to heaven and, instead, we pretty much just rot underneath the ground and life just keeps moving forward.

I’m eighteen years old pretty much already 2/3 of the way to the ‘end’. I hate thinking about the fact that one day I will die, but I guess that just shows you that you have to live life to its very fullest before it’s too late.

I just wish I knew what life would be like after I die. I want to know if there is really other life out there other than the planet Earth. I want to know if God really exists. I want to know so many things but I never, ever will.